if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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