so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
