i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
