I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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