umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
