I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
