my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
