kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
