Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
