if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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