literally had 100 drinks last night.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
