The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
