i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
