We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
