I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
