is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
