i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
