there was a trapeze. enough said
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
