Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
