i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
