i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
this boner is exhausting
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
The power of my boobs compel you
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
