Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
