SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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