Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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