On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
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