I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
