Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
