i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You ruined the universe
Randomize
