i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
