The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
