Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
