He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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