fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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