my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I have feelings that need drinking.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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