she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
