it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
