I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just got carded by a ten year old.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
