i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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