This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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