Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
