i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
