Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Dignity is for republicans.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
