i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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