we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
