I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Randomize
