It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
