My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
