We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
