At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
