I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
