Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
