How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
