She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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