you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
